bring it on 2008

New Year, New Me?.......

It’s 2008, another year has gone. Time goes by so quickly, before you know it, you’re old and grey (though, I almost got that down pat now) and you’re looking back and saying, “What the heck?”. That’s kind of how I feel about 2007. It’s definitely a chapter which is going to stand out in the table of contents of my life. One big thing, I got married. Not just married, but, married to the most wonderful gentleman on the face of this earth (it’s a tie with him, my Daddy and my Poppy of course). The other big thing is my friend, Weggie who decided to rear its ugly head around the Spring of ’07. So, with these big events I also learned a lot about myself, my family and my friends.

I learned that I’m a lot stronger than I think I am. I used to think of myself as a weakling. I couldn’t imagine what I’d do if I ever got diagnosed with a life threatening illness. I figured I’d completely crumble, have a nervous breakdown, send myself in for the free fruit basket. But, no, I trudged along and faced everything with a positive attitude. I’ve come to notice that if you don’t have a positive attitude you’re pretty much out of luck. I could have sat in my bed and wallowed in self pity, but, I decided to face each day with the best attitude I could possibly muster. So, my advice to anyone newly diagnosed? Have faith, you will get through this, I promise!

What did I learn about my family and friends? I learned that most of the time family really will be there for you through thick and thin. I learned that my Mama is like a mother shark when her baby is threatened, lashing out to attack anyone in her path. I learned that my Dad is definitely my rock in a nasty situation. I learned that my husband has nothing but love for me and will not leave me if I turn in to an ogre like state (that was proven with the high dosages of prednisone). Friends? I learned that the ones who you think may be your friend, really aren’t and the ones who make you the maddest, are probably the ones that are going to be there for you no matter what. Take Miss V, for instance, she makes me SO MAD sometimes (and I can say that because I know the feeling is mutual) but, I think back to when I was in hospital and she stayed on the hospital floor or how she’s always at me “did you take your pills”, “are you feeling sick”, “are you coughing up blood”…blah blah blah ….and it’s gets me thinking, I wouldn’t trade her for the world (morning nasties and all).

So, what am I getting on with? Well, it’s 2008. Here’s to remission. That’s my goal for this year!


How is so far??...................

Well, with the goal of remission still fresh in my mind, I have to say, it’s not going so well thus far. It started off about the beginning of December when I started to feel a little like crap. I was coughing stuff up, my joints were a little stiff, I had fevers, chills, exhaustion. But, do you know what I did? I ignored it….BAD IDEA. The doctors asked me how I was feeling and I said, “oh fine”, just because I didn’t want the dreaded prednisone to be upped. But, do you know what? The patient can certainly lie, but, the numbers don’t. My ANCA was continuing to rise. So, we went to see my rheumatologist. He says “ANCA may not necessarily be cause for concern. It could mean a flare up, or it could mean nothing”. So, we left that appointment with a renewed faith that this would be all over soon. The next day, I felt awful. Just plain icky. A week later, my eye started to get red. I couldn’t even touch it for it felt like it may burst. There was pain and pressure and throwing up and everything. Finally, I went to my family doctor, who then sent me to the emergency room to see the ophthalmologist on call. Yippee. Another doctor. Turns out, I developed a disease of the eye which is secondary to Wegeners, it’s called “scleritis”. It’s the thinning of the eye lining. Something which you don’t want to happen. If I happen to get poked, my eye could burst (I know, thanks for the imagery, hey?). So, the dr. put me on some prednisone eye drops and told me that if it doesn’t get better they’re going to have to raise my prednisone (THE DREADED DRUG). I took my drops, saw him a couple of times and carried on. Then, I started getting REALLY sick. I spent the entire Christmas holiday in bed. Every day I was throwing up and feeling absolutely awful. I figured it was because my nephrologist had raised my chemo to try and beat the crap out of the ANCA. However, I was set straight during my rhemumatologist and nephrologist double whammy appointment.

It started out as a lovely day. Mom, Dad and I went to see the rheumy. He was as lovely as ever. Nice and soft spoken and gave me a tip that my crazy nephrologists likes boston cream doughnuts, if I ever wanted to bribe him or something. Then, we went to see said nephrologist and he dropped the bomb(s). BOOM….you’re having a relapse…..BOOOM…there are a lot of doctors really worried about you…..oh and for the nuclear BOOOOOOOOOM…..we’re raising your prednisone. Yucky, yucky and YUCKY. So, now I’m up to 50mg again. My ANCA is back to where it started when I first got sick AND I’m completely frustrated with my little German “friend”. Oh, and where’s all that positive energy? Perhaps I should go check the toilet as I probably threw it all up. There’s still a little bit left in me, and I’m holding on to that. I’m positive that this will be the year for remission, but, I have to get over this hump. That’s what I keep saying…it’s just to get over this hump. Soon, I’ll be feeling much better and back to my old self again. Let’s just hope it’s soon, rather than later.

Where do I go from here?.........

So, I’m continuing to take the high dosage of pred and high dosage of chemo and we’re just waiting to sock that Mr. Weggie in the face. I just need to muster up enough energy to do it. I know if I look deep within, continue holding the hands of my family and friends, I will beat the crap out of him. It’s just taking time. I guess if time is what it needs, then time is what I’ll give it. However, I do know one thing….Mr. Weggie better watch out because when we do come face to face, he’s going to wish he never met me!!